Writings on the wall...

Nindiyaa

Raat ke bistar pe,
Nindiyaa mujhse door kyun soti hai,
mujhe nahi batati,

Sapno ke sirhaane pe,
Palkon par thaki ummeedien,
Num hokar, dhire se nikal,
Tham nahi paati,
Wo dekhti mujhe,
me dekhta use,
Aur teri yaad laut aati,

Maa tu mujhe sulaa deti, to shaayad mujhe neend aa jaati...

Kese tarse chain ko nain mere,
Kese tarsa hu main pyaar ko tere,
Kese haath mere bin saath k tere sune pade,
Jese lamha tootkar apne waqt se gumshuda chale,

Kat ti jaaegi ye raat,
Gehraati jaaegi andhera,
Me tere khayalon se kabhi to takraya hunga,
Hoti ye hakikat to dil ko bohot sukun dilaati,

Maa,
tu mujhe sulaa deti,
to mujhe neend aa jaati...

Maa,
tu mujhe sulaa deti,
to shaayad mujhe neend aa jaati...
__________


कतार / ਜੁਦਾ / Every night

ना जाने कितने बरस से?

इन बंजर आँखों के पीछे,

चंद अश्खों की बूँदे खड़ी है कतार में,

सोचते हैं हम आज भी,

दिल का चैन हमारा,

मौहताज है उस कतार के ख़ाली होने का....

हम तो वक़्त का पैमाना रखते रखते थक गए,

और वो वक़्त से भी आगे बढ़ कर,

हमसे खो गए,

हम घुटनों पे अपने माँगते रहे भीख़ उनकी, ख़ुदा से,

हम घुटनों पे अपने माँगते रहे भीख़ उनकी, ख़ुदा से,

फ़िर लगा ये ख़ुदा क्या?

ये ख़ुद किन्ही कारणों से मजबूर लगता है……

ਕਿਵੇਂ ਮੈਂ ਏ ਰੂਠੇ ਵਕ਼ਤ ਨੂ ਮਨਾ ਪਾਵਾਂਗੀ,
ਤੇਰਿਆ ਉਡੀਕਾਂ ਨਾਲ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਜਿੰਦੜੀ ਬਿਤਾ ਪਾਵਾਂਗੀ,
ਏ ਗਲ ਦਸ ਮੇਨ੍ਨੁ ਯਾਰ ਮੇਰੇਯਾ,
ਨਾ ਸੋਚੇਯਾ ਸੀ ਮੇਂ  ਜੁਦਾਈ ਸੰਗ ਸਾਂਹ ਲੈਣ  ਦਾ,

ਤੇਰੇ ਤੋਂ  ਵਿਛੜ  ਮੈਂ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਜੀ ਪਾਵਾਂਗੀ,
ਹੋ ਜਾਵਾਂਗੀ, ਹੋ ਜਾਵਾਂਗੀ,
ਫੇਰ ਤਾਂ  ਖੁਦ ਕੋਲੋਂ  ਜੁਦਾ,

ਹੋ ਜਾਵਾਂਗੀ, ਹੋ ਜਾਵਾਂਗੀ,
ਫੇਰ ਤਾਂ  ਖੁਦ ਕੋਲੋਂ  ਜੁਦਾ.....,

and every night I lie on my bed,

I have you in my heart, an un-separable part,

if you were lying beside me too,

silence and nothing for me you,

if you sat on the sand beside me too,

silence and nothing for me you,

I would tear my whole self apart in it,

and weep to the lengths of an unknown limit,

just to have you, to see you around me,

my sighs and my breaths only,

for you to understand me,

I have no words my love sadly,

but if this moment is my last to be,

then I'll let it be, gladly,

I'll let it be, gladly…..

__________


Promise

And cold breezes of forward moving time,
tried and tried,
to hit my naked back in its way to break into my heart,
but I acted like a shield against it to preserve my love for you,
as the time tried to fade it away from me and make it a memory,
I sat there on that road of time,
unchanged and unmoved,
as if I tightly held you in my arms and eyes shut,
it didn't matter though then,
whether you were there really or not,
you were always there,
and I was there always,
like a promise.....

"I want you to know that,

time cannot age you away from me,

and that is the strength of my love,

in all my heart and by all my soul,

if there is someone,

who I have known and given to, truly,

it is you,

this, is, my promise...."

__________

Never Alone

After I hit at the thousand faces down,

I found myself,

After I hit a thousand failed expectations,

I expected something from self,

After I sat down watching the world go by,

I found myself sitting beside,

After I looked back while running ahead,

I stopped for myself left behind,

After I turned my self blind to the whole world,

I saw myself and never blinked,

After I shut my ears to the saying and the Sayers,

I heard my soul's true wanting,

After I found who not to depend on,

Only I was left out,

After all my talks had exhausted,

I stood silent between the traffic of emotions,

And cleared it patiently,

And when I was alone,

I looked up in the sky and smiled,

I walked on,

I never cried, never moaned,

I was with myself, I was never alone......

__________


Expectations

I felt trapped in expectations,

expectations I had from others,

felt trapped where none came to free me,

to even look after me,

and in that trap I kept burning,

I kept turning,

to ashes and away,

while none came to free me,

none came to see me,

I kept churning,

I kept turning,

to tears down my eyes,

in the pain of living the lies,

time came down to its most natural ways,

with black slates of its truthful lessons,

I had no options but to obey,

bear the nostalgia, as long shall I say,

why are you here?

And waiting for whom?

Whom are you expecting?

To come back soon?

They are already gone with the passing of time,

but those images left and running in your mind,

are nothing but expectations blind,

leave them and leave them too,

take yourself by hand,

offer a gentle walk,

expect and complain,

you wont have to wait or linger now,

for you are with you,

guess what you wanted all through,

I hope now the sadness won’t touch the skies,

hope there won’t be such loud sighs,

you will find some way to gather and balance,

and not be trapped again,

in expectations,

you will find some way to make your stance,

and not be trapped again,

in expectations,

you will find some way for a new  chance,

and not be trapped again,

in expectations,

and not be trapped again,

in expectations…………………

__________

Discoeducated

The sounds of so called music breaking the ice of silence on floor,

with me standing and watching,

feeling the vibrating genitals,

all the sounds whatsoever competing with beat of my heart,

provoking my insides but not enough,

not enough as any happiness would,

not enough as your love would,

not enough as you be dragging me by hand to dance,

not enough as anything,

I write not to wipe this aloneness,

I write for it to flourish,

more and more so,

when one day you will appear,

the heaviness that has been created,

will fall off me,

will blow away as clouds,

and will make me breathe,

breathe you as long I can,

as long you'll let us both be,

forever....

Till then I wait,

amongst this crowd of loud-silence,

in this blinding-wake of lights,

watching faces,

actions, madness and all,

with just one thing in my mind,

just one thing,

you, you, you and only you....                                                                      

__________

We knew the world would not be the same.
A few people laughed, a few people cried.
Most people were silent.
I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita;
Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince
that he should do his duty, and to impress him,
takes on his multi-armed form and says,
'Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'


I suppose we all thought that, one way or another.


- Julius Robert Oppenheimer

__________

We all were told stories to sleep with, in our childhood. But my mother used to make me sleep with courage and reality, “how my father’s life was in the battlefields of world war II”. When I retrospect those days, I barely remember my father’s hands, but my mother’s eyes and all that her silence conveyed. It’s still alive inside me, a scene, when her eyes were just waters, weighed shoulders were unaware of her husband’s last goodbye to her, leaving duteously. We were confirmed later by the news that came instead.

So shattered was she, I remember her screaming and bending down to ground, in the throes of pain. Years passed, my brother was born and raised, along with bedlam of warning noises and exploding sounds. We were in the fist of war’s scourge. Eventually it was declared even before we all could safely abandon our homes. We ran for our short-lived lives, crying and praying. Every shelter was unbelievably savaged. And the deprivation of our necessities of life continued with the war. I remember bare feet and torn clothes and a similar thousand faces.

One day, when I returned, fetching some food for them. I saw the refugee camps, bombed and blooded, the food fell out my hands, and suddenly someone caught and threw me on the evacuation truck. I agitated involuntarily for hours, till that guy silenced me saying “you are saved!”.

I had choices, all devoid of life, and it was all I could think, wrestling the circumstances, just to make one hopeful choice. I was pushed into an orphanage, which fostered me for ten years.

Through years I had only thought of war, loss, vengeance, etc.

At twenty years of my age I was out, alone, to choose to be. Not a soldier, extremist, rebellion, I had my mother’s fueled courage, as the only answer to life. I chose ‘No’, to do worse in anger, ‘No’ to avenge my losses, ‘Yes’ to be a human. War could give me solace but I decided my self not to be a cause for someone’s past like mine. Thinking, would it really give me the happiness to destroy someone’s home and family?

I visited my homeland or in other words, the remains. And surprisingly not even the remains were left. I spotted the old bench, where me and my

brother used to sit together, after playing near garden. That scene dragged tears from somewhere inside, that I believed had dried on their own. I didn’t dare to sit on it, cause I was incomplete.

Thereafter I progressed, a peace-worker. Stood, sought and fought alone, with self and for people, for peace. Since all I knew and was built up with, was pain and pain of others.

I pay forward this simplicity to everyone: “you can be a hope for some, you can be another evil, “the destroyer” like it says above”. Know that “pain is inevitable and, life, a choice to be.” You have one example. I am David Gerard and this, is my story.

Story: Warchild

__________

Someday

Someday we will get back,
the memories of you and me left behind,
someday we will know each other again,

the sun will be lit up like before,
and we will not search a hope,
in the light of a lamp,

nights will dissolve,
yes they will,
into, what we'll hail "a new day",
and we will hold hands without doubts,
never, ever to separate,

someday....